"e"tiquette

I have written about social media before and how the changing dynamics of etiquette irks me. Yet here I am again, writing about it. Why, you ask. Its getting worse. Our greed for shortcuts has compromised the quality of communication greatly. From bad grammar to acronyms to emoticons to plain bad etiquette. The art of communication is fast becoming lost on us.

The “e”-dynamic

I recently attended a presentation about communication and it placed great importance on the mindset of the “receiver”, in getting across the correct message. The technology today, although facilitates communication yet it has presented us with a complex challenge of “connecting” with the audience.

Consider this: You write an email/text message, Come out! Now you were excited about something and wanted the receiver to come out right away to share the excitement. The receiver on the other hand, had a stressful day at work and reads this and thinks,  Oh great! Now she is mad too! She hastily types back “what’s your problem?” You can pretty much guess how this goes.

Texting has “text” and punctuation only helps so much however the sender should be careful to communicate their emotions clearly – if the text is emotional. If however, its a business email/text, then it should as void of emotion as McDonalds is of nutrition (ouch!). WARNING: Void of emotion does not mean void of akhlaq (etiquette).  The Quran teaches us the art of letter-writing for when Moosa AS wrote to the queen of Saba, he started his letter with “Bismillah” so right away we remind ourselves and the receiver of the watchful eye of our Lord; and right away we hold Him witness to what we write.

When you write a text/ email, make sure you read it from all angles possible. Avoid using ambiguous statements which may make perfect sense in person but remember the receiver cannot see the “eye-roll” in the email. Avoid emailing when emotionally charged. If you feel the urge to write someone when you are too emotional; type out the text and save it in drafts. Review when you are calmer.  And lastly, try your best to not email or text important/emotional convos, or atleast follow it up with a phone call or visit to clarify any misunderstanding.

In brief, care about the message, care about the receiver and handle accordingly. Our prophet SAWW, the ones who epitomised brilliance of character showed care in each of his interactions. His message was always relevant, clear and considerate and hence he “connected” with the audience whether it was a child, his wife or a congregation of non-believers.

Emoticons – the messiah of virtual communication

Apparently, you can ask someone for anything and end with a smiley and it makes it ok. It actually does! Many a times I end a difficult convo with a smiley (winky for the really tough ones) just to make it cordial. A meme i read recently, said Thank you LOL for being there when i had nothing else to say. How true is that?!  On a serious note though, emoticons are great and all but they donot replace emotions and context and tone are still very relevant.

Let me diverge a little here - What you see rampant on social media these days though is cross-gender convos having smileys, winkys and lol. Umm excuse me... did you get the memo about how cross-gender convos should go? What we aren’t allowed to do in person with each other, how are we allowed it on social media? Our texts to the other gender (non-mahram) should be relevant and to the point and we should consider exhausting other more halal options before approaching the non-mahram. Although this wouldn’t apply if you were referring to a scholar for advice/help – no smileys please.

Im sure we have all seen young men and women hitting it off, all under the guise of “dawah” work. Ofcourse it is inevitable to cross paths with the other gender, even in dawah work, but the interaction should be carefully guarded and definitely limited. Keep reminding yourself, when a man and woman are alone together – shaytan is the third among them. It applies to social media too – surprise! How a “relevant” text turns into an entire conversation and future conversations, is all shaytans work.

#WhoCares

Hashtags are the new thing, apparently you missed that memo too eh? The attitude of youth for the last decade, perhaps longer has been just that – who cares? People say it so much and so casually that it has actually become real. We don’t care. Except that being social animals that we are, we are inevitably in need of each other and must care. When we post photos/statuses on facebook in the spirit of “who cares”; as in we don’t care what anyone thinks, we are who we are, facebook is not my life, my status is not about you etc etc  - why exactly did we post it then. Its social media – you post something that you want to share, and others to see. If you didn’t care- why share! When we put ourselves out there, we are doing just that and we expose ourselves and our vulnerabilities to all sorts of people. Allah created each of us and bestowed us with izzah (honor), we must honor ourselves in order for others to do so. Let’s not reveal things about us that should only be privy to dear ones. Let’s care about ourselves enough to keep the social media platform a means to communicate and not show-off or advertise. Let’s care about each other to cover each others weaknesses as we would like Allah to cover ours in this dunya and the Hereafter.  #wecare

Qarun Lives....

First let me introduce you to Qarun, as in the Quran. He was a learned scholar, from the Bani Isarel and had been blessed with immense wealth of the world. I just read his story (Surah Al-Qasas) and was forced to admit that although Allah destroyed the real Qarun long ago ... his disciples exist in each one of us. He is living through us. Allow me to elaborate.

Qarun was a Muslim, as he came from the people of Musa AS and was even related to the prophet. He was a haafidh of the Torah, had been blessed with a lot of knowldege obviously; but along with that he had been given wealth of the world, so much so that it would burden big, strong men to carry just the keys to his treasure. He should have been the most grateful one around for having been given the best of both Ilm and Dunya... yet he was the most arrogant. He accredited himself for his wealth, he didnt deny it came from Allah BUT he said he deserved it. He was so close in behavior and status to the Pharoahs - they made him one of them! Can you imagine? The Bani Israel were a slave tribe and to be made a courtsman? He should have been lenient with the Bani Israel, given his authority.... yet he was the harshest on them. He refused to give zakat and did not spend on the people. He walked the earth with arrogance and pride and the same earth was commanded to eat him whole along with his wealth.

Today we, Muslims, when we are very educated or our kids manage to shine in universities or we are wealthy or even when we have ilm of the Quran - we attribute it to ourselves. Oh! we worked so hard with our kids, or our kids worked so hard for this. We say it about other people too Oh! they were so good with their finances and made all the right decisions, etc etc. All of us have had that attitude one time or another - it was ME, I did it. Wallahi you didnt! Had it not been Allah's will, you would not have anything despite making all the seemingly right choices. Crediting ourselves with our successes leads to us becoming arrogant. We may not become arrogant right away, but as people start to praise us and place on pedestals for our worldly standing; we start thinking we deserve that status. This arrogance eats away at our 'ikhlaq' like a termite and soon we are too good for our own families, our own people. We avoid meeting them too often, sometimes even say hurtful things about them. This is not true just of wealth, even those with "ilm" look down on their relatives not so endowed. We walk the earth with pride, very satified with our status.

Now if you are thinking that you arent THAT wealthy, so you're ok.... Alhamdolillah for what we have but take a look at your closets. Isnt it burdened with the treasure it holds, similar to the forces who carried Qarun's keys? Dont we have bank accounts in like 3 or 4 banks, isnt our wallet bent out of shape with the cards it carries. Dont our refrigerators and pantries boil over with food. Doesnt our heart pinch when it comes time to pay zakat or give in sadaqa? Dont we think we deserve the lifestyles we have or even our health? We have been blessed with Iman and wealth of the world - how thankful are we? Sadly, I was reminded of "us" when i read about Qarun.
So beware! Strive to be a Sulaymaan rather than a Qarun, Insha Allah.

Body & Soul

Body and soul - thats what you have committed to Allah SWT. Its almost ridiculous to have to spell it out because He created both, so obviously! But it is not as obvious to us as it should be. Either is nothing without the other, nor will it ever accomplish anything on its own. With our body, we have to perform our salah, earn to sustain ourselves and our families, perform Hajj, seek knowledge and spread it, command good and forbid evil, etc If you do all this, to others it may seem you are very spiritual, very religious. People generally judge based on appearances and we can easily fall in the trap of assuming ourselves to be "religious".
After a while, the bodily ibadah becomes easy and almost habitual and if you dont assess yourself regularly, you can loose the spiritual connection altogether. If your bodily ibadah is not bringing about a change in your behavior, in your ikhlaq - know this, your soul is not it. If you lie/cheat and justify it too, if you abuse your authority (as a parent, husband, boss, teacher, etc), if you have jealousy in your heart for a brother in deen (except Ghibtah), find faults with others and not spend any time fixing your own, if you think you are more pious than others or someone is not worthy of hidaya, if your ego is so inflated that you cannot control your temper or bring yourself to apologize - know that Allah says about such people, that the Quran would be stuck in their throat not finding its way in their hearts. Only the soul of an ibadah makes it worth anything because it pushes you to better yourself and tells you if you've wronged yourself or someone.
Its something we must question ourselves about every day. Is our soul committed to Allah? When your soul is committed along with your body,  that noor emanates from you; from your smile, your speech, from your ikhlaq - just as it did from the Prophet SAW, and the sahabas (RA). Your soul tells you to do sabr when something goes awry, your soul keeps you from anger when something doesnt go your way, your soul keeps your ego in check, your soul reminds you it has to return to Allah. The bodily ibadah then serves to polish the soul and strengthen it. Then you can protect yourself from assuming you're better than someone else.
note to myself first!