Happily ever after..

Marriage. It’s a topic close to my heart. I suppose because I’m married (!) and also because Ive always believed in the sanctity of this relationship. However, it was not until I understood it from the Quran that I realized its true purpose and sanctity. 

The idea of marriage that I grew up with was largely a fairy tale – more like an exaggerated wedding. Ofcourse, that fantasy can be found in the relics of my memory files titled “Every lie about adulthood”. I rolled with the punches and finally settled with the ‘actual’ idea, but then I was struck with some more blows. These were more along the lines of ‘what my life was… ‘, ‘ how my life could have been different…’ and some serious ones like ‘wasn’t I better off…’, ‘why do I need this…’ Each time, I pulled myself back from these to remind myself of the good things and sometimes I was snapped out from these reveries by the cries of hungry kids (mine!). Some more years went by. I started to question whether my approach to my rebel thoughts was the right one, mostly because it gave me only temporary relief and was making me discontented. Now I am one not used to being discontented – I need to find peace. So, I turned to the source of all peace – Allah, As Salam. Its not like I hadn’t been praying all along, I just started doing so more intently and being more specific about my issues. That’s when the penny dropped.

Just like my adolescent idea of marriage was unreal, so was my idea of its purpose. Generally in the South Asian culture (and I will go as far as saying the Arab... correct me if I’m wrong), girls are reared to think marriage is the culmination of life! It is with a man that a girl will have security – both financial and societal and all good girls get married, all fun and independence is to be had post-marriage. Let’s assess those, especially in today’s day and age. South Asian girls are more educated than ever before and having worked through or right after uni, they are financially independent; social circles are larger than ever not leaving much room for feeling lonely (quite the contrary I believe!), singlehood is not as big a taboo and having intimate friendships with the opposite sex is a norm. Good girl definitions (domesticated/polite/obedient/cooks like a pro) are outdated. Given even half that, the entire premise for getting married is blown out the water! Ok, so the girl cant have kids without getting married first, but really would she be willing to give all this up to fulfill her maternal instinct. So its no surprise that more and more girls are discontent with their marriages because they feel they have quite literally signed their life off. So exactly why should I get married?!

Marriage is an act highly recommended by Allah SWT and a Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, so there has to be a deeper meaning than what we’ve imagined of it.  I have discovered the purpose of marriage is quite closely linked to the purpose of life itself – it is an act of worship; a continuous worship that holds a great reward at every step. It’s a means to enjoying offspring and the companionship of the spouse. It is also a means to protect us from zina and whether we like to admit it or not, it also is protective of our honour. It is a means to please Allah SWT from the moment you wake and it is a means for you to send forth good deeds for the akhirah via pious children. 

Anyone who is married can attest to how much they need to call upon Him for strength and sabr. How many times they have been thankful for the blessings they enjoy, how many times they have cried and made istighfar for their shortcomings in the relationship. I have realized through these trials how being married has made me constant in my dhikr of Allah. Alhamdulillah! So marriage is much bigger than financial dependency and all that – it is a means to get closer to Allah SWT. 

This is what I would like to tell my younger self: being married is hard work and having children is tough, and loving your partner is a constant struggle but Allah is watching and He does not miss anything. He has placed a reward for you in your smile for your husband, and your dressing up for him; your cooking and cleaning; your rearing children and everything that you do to keep the relationship afloat – just keep the focus on pleasing Allah SWT through this relationship.

Being married is not the end all be all of life, however. If Allah has chosen for someone to remain single – then that will become the person’s means to His closeness because for sure He would not place us in a position where we cannot attain salvation. But for those who are married, this bond is greater than the  two of you – it is quite literally the building blocks to your Jannah – so build it eagerly and protect is ferociously.

May Allah put barakah in our unions and make it a source of His pleasure. Ameen.

وَمِنْ ءَايَـتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَ‌حْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَلِكَ لَءَايَـتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُ‌ونَ  

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. [30:21]

All Praise is to Allah

This is one of those posts where i have just realised something, and i'm so flabbergasted that it drove me to the blog. Alhamdolillah that I was able to see it. Since I have started studying the quranic tafseer and tajweed, I have realised my passion lies in Tajweed. There could be multiple reasons; I am good at it (with the Fadhl of Allah), I'm a mathematical person and Tajweed rules are very scientific much like the Arabic language itself, I have learned that Allah loves beautiful recitation, etc etc. Recently I had been feeling that Im not growing as much as I'd like in the field of recitaion, and I made dua consistently that Allah be pleased with my recitation and that I can take it to the next level. First, I got an opportunity to lead a youth group in tajweed, then I saw a course being offered on facebook and i thought thats my chance! But it was too expensive for me. I had also signed up to volunteer at an Islamic summer camp and today was its first meeting. Part of the course outline was recitation and memorization and it hit me! Allahu Akbar, this is it, my chance to improve. One key thing about tajweed is that it only improves by reciting alot. Imagine, by getting the opportunity to teach children, repeating the ayahs over and over - there's no saying how much I could improve. This just wowed me!
Allah may not give you what you want the way you want it, but you do get that or better in some other way.... its all a matter of perspective.
So today, take out 5 minutes and think of something you wanted and see how Allah has given it to you. Or you could trace back from something you have received, it may be in the shape of a responsibility and not necessarily a favor - but you could work it back to something you had asked for, like i did. As my good friend Winnie would say - fink, fink, fink!

To go “back” or not to go “back”… In the light of Surat Yusuf

The gems from Surat Yusuf are too many and much too deep to ever be condensed into one tafsir, let alone one article; but a recent study of the surat drew light on a burning issue – Should I go back (to my homeland) or should I stay? SubhanAllah, Surat Yusuf has many parallels to our lives in this society and Inshallah in this article I will point to a few.

So, when they took him away, they all agreed to throw him down to the bottom of the well, and We inspired in him:"Indeed, you shall (one day) inform them of this their affair, when they know (you) not." (v15)

To begin with, let’s look at Yusuf AS’s forced transfer to Egypt. It wasn’t what he wanted or what his father has thought out for him; but Allah’s plan for him was different – so they both submitted and exhibited sabr. Similarly, the decision to come here or live here may not be ours entirely but Allah has willed us to be here so we should be thankful and see what our purpose here could be. We should make du’a that Allah takes from us the work he put us here to do.

And when he [Yusuf] attained his full manhood, We gave him wisdom and knowledge (the Prophethood), thus We reward the Muhsinun (doers of good) (v22)

Secondly, although Yusuf AS was not kept as a slave (in its full meaning), he however had no free will. He had suddenly been pulled out of a pious home, a pious land into people who were idol-worshippers. Just imagine his situation, he was the only “Muslim” in all of Egypt! Yet, he did not give up his deen. He accepted his situation as the will of Allah, but he did not assimilate. Alhamdolillah, we are blessed to be living here WITH free will and a healthy community of Muslims; yet we find ourselves complacent and trying our best to “fit in” even at the cost of our Iman.

And she, in whose house he was, sought to seduce him (to do an evil act), she closed the doors and said: "Come on, O you." He said: "I seek refuge in Allah (or Allah forbid)! Truly, he (your husband) is my master! He made my stay agreeable! (So I will never betray him). Verily, the Zalimun (wrong and evil-doers) will never be successful." (v23)

Yusuf AS was harassed (by Aziz’s wife) and wrongfully accused, and spent many years in prison. He said:"O my Lord! Prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me..” (v33)He spoke up to defend his honor, yet he preferred to be imprisoned than displease Allah SWT.

(They said): "Inform us of the interpretation of this. Verily, we think you are one of the Muhsinun (doers of good )(v36)

Did he become bitter and vengeful? We see from the comments of his fellow cellmates that on the contrary not only did he keep his ikhlaq, he had earned their trust and had continued da’wah behind bars. "O two companions of the prison! Are many different lords (gods) better or Allah, the One, the Irresistible? (v39).Living as a minority group can be challenging but if we have our goal in mind; if we are striving to fulfill our purpose, Allah’s help will be with us. We will only be tried as much as we can bear. We must always think of this when we have been wronged.

Upon being set free, Yusuf AS was invited to become the King’s consort. So not only was he a free man, he also had the financial means to go “back” to his family. Yet, not only did he choose a harder job (as minister of agriculture), he chose to stay in Egypt. He chose to help the same people who had enslaved him, harassed him, accused him and imprisoned him. Now that’s goodwill! He had khair in his heart for the people and could not leave knowing, they would perish without his help. SubhanAllah! How Allah made this very decision of his a means to re-unite with his family.

We must learn from this story that if we constantly question our life here; not only are we ungrateful we are also unproductive. We can never do effective da’wah till we have real concern for the people; we must not harbor hate and resentment – hate the sin, not the sinner. Allah has chosen us from millions of people to be here, to propagate the true path. Are we refusing this opportunity?

Indeed in their stories, there is a lesson for men of understanding. It (the Qur'an) is not a forged statement but a confirmation of the Allah's existing Books [the Taurat (Torah), the Injeel (Gospel) and other Scriptures of Allah] and a detailed explanation of everything and a guide and a Mercy for the people who believe.(v111)

Wierd but True! Part 3

So here's another installment in the series of Wierd but True - my adventures with the niqab.

I went to Buffalo, NY for a shopping trip - as its a hop, skip and a jump away from Mississauga. La lalala, im strolling through Marshalls, randomly checking out the collection. I notice a 50+ woman, ogling me but I ignore as im used to being ogled at. She did some more ogling, and then some more till I guess she couldnt take it anymore and she says, "Arent you feeling hot?" she looked way more flustered than I! Very politely I replied "No, I'm not" (thanks for asking?). She walks off, while i was answering but then she comes back for seconds! "You are in the United States now, you dont have to do this (points to niqab) - you are beautiful!" She was actually spewing the "compliment". Very frustrated and caught a little by suprise, as i wasnt expecting her to return so quick I said "Yes, I know I'm beautiful. Thank you very much", as enthusiastically as i could. Obviously she didnt wait for my reply. Apparently, the "empathetic" advice was meant to sound like an insult.
I was fuming! Then I tried to relax myself and all the possible comebacks start coming to my head. Im thankful, atleast i was polite. I kept my cool (albeit on the outside). Allah didnt let me down in my eyes and hopefully in His eyes.
Same day, on the way back we stopped for a bite at Niagara. While sitting outside a shawarma place, a "Muslim" lady tells me " Can i say something?" Oh boy! "Why you have to do this? Its not in Islam. I mean i understand the scarf, but Mohammad (saw) didnt say to so this." Ya Allah! Twice in one day, I was on a roll. I explained, very briefly, how there are MANY reports of how the women dressed and the face veil being a part of that. She didnt want to believe me. "You are torturing yourself like this. Why are you giving your body pain" I said, "I havent been happier or more at peace, since i chose to wear the veil. My body is not getting tortured, nor am I in pain." She shrugged. Wow! People really only listen to what they want to - i could have just said laa dee daa and she wouldnt have known the difference.
Lesson: Always think ahead. I'm a poster for da'wah and i better accept that fact. Choose one of 2 things when answering a question: either invite to Tawheed, or simply show good manners.

Thats it for now folks... watch this space for more Inshallah... i live an exicting life Alhamdolillah!

Shukr

We all know that we need to be thankful to Allah for all His blessings upon us. I learned about a new dimension of shukr today - shukr for all the "bad" things that may happen to us. Yes you read it right. When you stub you toe for you have feet, when you bang your car for you have transportation, when you fall sick for you had health, when your child falls sick for you have a child, say Alhamdolillah. If you have faith in Allah, you will believe that all your circumstances are by His command and maybe some due to your fallacies - nonetheless at His command. Even if you can see no good coming from your situation, still say Alhamdolillah. For Allah will raise your ranks and you will achieve closeness to the rabb. It is a treasure only few will get. Wont you want to be one of them?
Alhamdolillah!
(Refer to my note Daily Zikr)