Take time to heal

Friends are a precious breed! They are the perfect sounding board and companion. They can be the encouragement or the word of caution. Friendships, like any relationship, need to be taken care of and fostered in a positive environment of  god-consciousness. We will afterall be raised on the deen of those whose company we keep!

Like any relationship though, this too can go sour. I had a friend and then we were not friends. It was the first time in my life that I had “lost” a friendship so it was a shock to me. I started questioning myself and my intentions and actions. I was also grateful for having lived such a great life that I had not had any such heartbreak before.  But this was a big one. It took a long time to heal; in fact I’m still a work in progress; which is exactly why I cannot re-friend this person. I have realized it is not that I’m hanging on to the past, or holding grudges rather that I have not reached that stage yet where I can be empathetic again.

I have been struggling with this for a long while. Should we abandon friends completely if something goes awry? Should I not take the higher road and move on from the place of hurt? I have been on soul-searching mission ever since. It weighed heavily on me that I may have become the ‘oppressor’ (in that i wasn't pursuing the friendship anymore), until I figured out that not everyone makes friends for life. So here is where I am now, I can be friend-"ly" but if I cannot stop myself at every juncture from bringing my guard up, or thinking ‘there she goes again..’ then I am not being sincere to the relationship. Hence, it is not time yet. I am still healing and it is my first time so I don’t know how long it will be or if I can ever muster that strength. I will take the time to heal. I will pray. For in prayer is my strength. I will pray for Allah to surround me with people who build me and not break me, I will pray that I am of those who build people. Allah loves those who love His creation, so I will pray that Allah enables my heart to love wholly.  

For now, I will pray for you from afar.

"O you who believe! Take care of your own selves. If you follow the right guidance and enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong no hurt can come to you from those who are in error. The return of you all is to Allah, then He will inform you about (all) that which you used to do." [5:105]