Unmasking

I recently read an article by a Canadian born niqabi (veiled woman) who was responding to a ridiculous claim that women who cover their face are not truly Canadian – as in they don’t live out the Canadian life. Right away I was like woah! Why didn’t I think of writing my Canadian-ness with the niqab.  So here I am – disproving myths about the dead-beat life niqabis supposedly live.

I am not an out-doorsy person – perhaps because I grew up in metropolitan cities with little contact with nature. I do love being in the outdoors, just not the “sleeping in tents” part of it :P. However, living in Canada and raising my children here – I realized I had an excellent opportunity to finally discover this side of Canada and live like a ‘Canadian’.  I am not sure if this is politically correct – considering the vast landscape and cultural diversity found in Canada but oh well for argument sake, lets.

I have been in Canada for over 8 years now and I can guarantee that I have seen and explored more of Ontario than a lot of people who’ve lived their entire lives here and they don’t even wear a niqab.. gasp! The piece of cloth on my face is a personal choice – it represents nothing to the outside world. It is quite personal – yes its my identity because I choose to identify myself as a servant of God. I believe my veil is  a means to be closer to God.  This piece of cloth doesn’t take away anything from my personality. Some may argue that I cannot enjoy the open waters because of my garb or I cant feel the sun on my skin. I understand their “concern”, however for us the garb comes from a deeper place which may look restrictive to the outside world.  It is not my veil that restricts me, rather the prejudice. The reason I will not wear a 2 piece and jump in the pool has to do with my faith and its tenets. I believe the tenets placed by God are in my best interest and hence I choose to abide by them. It may not make sense to the others – it wasn’t meant to. But living in an inclusive society means you give me the benefit of doubt to make my lifestyle choices.

I love the summers like the next Canadian and I love digging my toes in the sand and wearing flip flops. I look forward to BBQs in the backyard and in the outskirts of the Niagara Escarpment. I look forward to camping (not the tent part L ) and frying eggs on my camp stove. I used to like hiking, but I am way too unfit and would rather lounge in the sun. My favorite season is Fall and the looking at the colors of the trees and walks in the crisp air. I love Spring and check out flyers for the cheapest top-soil so I can do over my herb patches. I love watching the kids play in their front yards – my, my they look so grown up after the winters!

I'm a Canadian and a niqabi and instead of thinking how different I look, I would rather think how we are all different; and appreciate how despite our differences we coexist through tolerance and understanding.

Surah Al-Qasas Verse 83

Notes taken at a brief session by Ustad AE. All Glory and praise is for Allah SWT alone, all good comes from Him and all faults are from my own self. These are my personal notes and not to be taken as Ustad's word verbatim.

Ayah 83 Surah Al Qasas :  That home of the Hereafter We assign to those who do not desire exaltedness upon the earth or corruption. And the [best] outcome is for the righteous. main focus of talk

The entire quran is relevant to every person. Even though Allah may be talking about the disbelievers or even firawn, if we analyse the ayah; it will apply to us and we will learn something for ourselves from it. So we can never look at a verse and say that it isn’t talking about me. Every muslim should try to find the message for them in every ayah.

The above verse speaks about 2 qualities, the absence of which is the cause for a “good  end” – “al –‘aaqibah” These 2 qualities are status/power and  corruption - ‘uluw and fasaad .  These 2 qualities are linked in the Quran in multiple places; and one does cause the other. The greed for power will cause corruption, whether willingly or otherwise. Islam does not allow the means to be justified by the end – hence one cannot take wrong measures to attain power in order to “fix” things – because he is causing fasaad, even though it may be unintentionally.

To understand the real and true meaning of a “good end”, a muslim must first fathom that this dunya is not meant to be comfortable and fun. According to the hadith of the Prophet SAW, this world is a “sijn” (prison) for the believer and Jannah for the disbeliever. Why did the prophet use “sijn”, he could have said its hard.. the idea he wanted us to grab is all the things a prison is associated with is exactly what this dunya is : so its not meant to be fun, or luxurious and its meant to be uncomfortable, strange, unjust, cruel, stifling, etc etc. The kuffar along with shaytan are making it a paradise for themselves, and want to drag you into it so you spend this life making this prison into Jannah when it can never be. Once you come to terms with what this dunya is, 1) you accept your circumstances and difficulties because you say I know its suppose to be tough 2) you know a better end, the best end awaits you. That is what the “good end” truly means. It is the only “good end” .. and it is for those who are not arrogant and don’t cause corruption/oppression.

These words are usually associated with political figures/ heads of states, etc but as stated earlier everything in the Quran is relevant to you. So you have to see how you are seeking status among people and how you are/could be the cause of someones’ or your own destruction.
One of the tools of destruction that the kuffar have employed is “interest”. It is the greatest oppression of its kind; however we must analyse why and how we get ourselves in situations which trap us in interest. Why are we so materialistically attached to this dunya (remember its supposed to be a prison!) that we must get ourselves into debt. Debt cannot be forgiven by Allah, because it is a right of the person you have borrowed from and only he can forgive it to you.

Having wealth or status is not impermissible and it has always existed and will always exist – it is the arrogance and feeling superior and demeaning others which is meant by the above verses.

Ibn Taimiyyah divided the people into 4 groups in his explanation of the ayah,
1)      Those who seek power and destruction eg bashar al assad
2)      Those who desire corruption without elevation, such as the thieves and criminals from the riff-raff amongst the people.
3)      The third type: Those who desire elevation without corruption, such as those who have the deen, they desire to elevate themselves by it over other than them amongst the people.
4)      Those who seek neither : this is the group that the good end is for. These people don’t want fame and don’t seek for themselves to be known, rather only spread the word and name of Allah. They would gladly give up what is rightfully theirs in order to maintain peace and are of those who join people not cause divide. Eg. Hasan ibn Ali RA who gave up his khilafa because not doing so would have spent the lives of 1000s of people although every companion would have backed him.
Al- Aali is Allah’s name and ‘uluw is His attribute and only He can have it.

Forgiveness - Giving it is getting it!

Forgiveness is one of those things that is easier said than done. As a younger person i believed in the mantra ‘forgive but never forget’. As I grew older (and wiser) I knew it was not possible to truly forgive without forgetting. Understanding this did not mean i was able to forgive – rather i now knew my weakness. I knew that every so often, I am reminded of the wrong I was done and ill-feelings even if not hate, start trickling into my heart.  So i tried blocking the memories and it worked for a while. Till I grew older still *sigh* (and wiser still!) and realised it was not possible to block memories as they make their way into your life and thinking at some point catching you off-guard.

So here is where I am now – dealing with the memories; accepting it as the will of my Creator which in some form were meant to purify me (hopefully they did). Once I came to terms with my past experiences, no longer feeling vulnerable or guilty or vengeful; I was ready to forgive. But the question was why should I? Why should I forgive people who brought about so much pain and misery? Why should i give them the satisfaction of feeling ok about what they did? Maybe if i forgive them, they will never know or pay for what they did? These are all the emotions and questions I go through every now and then.

Then moments of enlightenment like today’s jummah khutba happen. The khateeb talks about forgiveness as a means to leading a content life. If i know one thing about anger, it is that it makes you discontent.  The khateeb tells us that forgiving is not letting go rather it is taking control of the situation. You are incharge of how that relationship (or lack thereof) shapes up. A person who has hurt you deeply will tend to do it again. When you acknowledge your hurt and turn to Allah for solace and forgive for the sake of Allah; you are no longer in a position to be hurt again because you have already taken a higher road – a path that people who wrong you don’t tread.  Forgiving means you free yourself of emotions that do not serve you.

And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. [Surah Al Noor Verse 22]

Here is my game plan – I will consciously think about my shortcomings and sins. I will think about how I would like to be standing in front of Allah SWT on the Day of Judgement with those sins and those shortcomings? Will I be able to justify any of it? Then I will think how it would be like to have all those sins forgiven! Everytime I have an ill-feeling creeping up, I will try and do this – I will forgive so that I may be forgiven. Allah knows how much forgiveness I need! It is indeed from Allah’s mercy to even allow us to forgive – just so He can bestow us with His forgiveness in return. Have you heard of a more merciful Lord!

Please make dua for me and for yourself if any of this hit home with you – may Allah clean our hearts and make us of the forgiving and forgiven. Ameen!

And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous. Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;[Surah Aal Imran, verse 133-134]

Boyz to Men

How many times have you felt like having husband is like raising another child? Its one of those universal truths we have come to accept. We have come to the point where we even start acting like mothers with them. I might add most of this content may be true for south-east Asian families. In the process of raising 2 sons, I am constantly trying to learn from my upbringing and its pros and cons – trying to find a better way to raise responsible men. I think it will take a few generations of conscientious mothers to make it a better world J

While reading the seerah I was amazed at how mature and self-sufficient all the young men were. Even our prophet sallallahu alaihi wassalam, was already an established, albeit not rich, but well-respected person by the tender age of 25. True, those times were different – but why should maturity suffer over generations. What I realized and im sure ive blogged about this before is, that this world dumbs down our children and in turn so do we. We are never willing to realize our sons are growing up. We realize it when they’ve already grown and perhaps even grayed! We don’t place any responsibility on them, because they are studying or working. What logic is that? What is their education worth, if they are irresponsible or unable to take care of their most basic needs. Mothers especially, are driving themselves insane running errands for their children along with prepping piping hot meals, running laundry loads etc. Then when the son is 15+, the same doting mothers are complaining about how the “child” doesn’t even pick up his socks! These same sons get married, and we have the wives whining about the socks. Another thing our men are incapable of is dealing with extended family dynamics. They have absolutely no idea why the wife is so upset that he doesn’t feel the need to attend his brother in laws wedding.

It may be too late to “fix” the husband lol, but lets do the world a favor and try and raise men. I basically back-tracked to our own childhood to see what wrongs can be made right. Here are a few things I’ve realized and am trying or will try. It’s very important to place age-appropriate responsibility on my children. They may do it wrong and my urge to fix it will be strong – but that will not teach them anything. I would rather show them how it’s done and then let them take and feel the ownership of the task. Some parenting websites list age-related chores – we may or may not choose to follow it to a tee – however it’s a good starting point. We should talk to our children – discuss our feelings with them. I tell my children when I’m not feeling well or even angry. They need to know that their mother and later on their wife is not super-women. We should involve our kids in extended family/ family friend dynamics. I try and let them know why we are visiting someone or they are visiting us. For example, if I am going to congratulate someone for getting married or having a baby – I will tell my children. Similarly, I will and have told them if someone passes away and how I felt about it. Not nitty gritty details, just getting them familiar with the concept. I would say that once my child is 10, I would make him even speak to the person I am congratulating or giving condolences to. How else will he learn what he is supposed to do? I remember feeling so so awkward when I had to give condolences for the first time. I just didn’t know the right words. I would hope my sons wouldn’t have to go through the same. When my husband was travelling, I would speak to my sons about missing him and how they should be more caring toward me in his absence. This may sound like im emotionally blackmailing them – it wasn’t as bad really. I don’t become emotional or weepy while saying it. It’s said once and it’s said in a very matter-of-factly kind of way. I talk to my sons about my hijab and why they cant let anyone in without asking/telling me (im not talking about opening the main door to strangers here!). Sometimes I ask them how my dress looks or how I look – I don’t do this often but I like their shy faces when they answer it J I would hope as they grow older, they will shoulder responsibility, value time and money and value emotions most importantly. Above all, make du’a for them – not just for their success and education but for them to be good people. We must not assume that just is simply because they are our children. Mercy is from Allah SWT and we must beg for it for ourselves and our generations.

I remember reading a quote “It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” -L.R. Knost

But finally, all my efforts are for my own salvation. As the hadith states

“Upon death, man’s deeds will stop except for three deeds, namely: a continuous charitable fund, endowment or goodwill; knowledge left for people to benefit from; and a pious righteous and God-fearing child who continuously prays to Allah, for the souls of his parents” (Muslim).

"e"tiquette

I have written about social media before and how the changing dynamics of etiquette irks me. Yet here I am again, writing about it. Why, you ask. Its getting worse. Our greed for shortcuts has compromised the quality of communication greatly. From bad grammar to acronyms to emoticons to plain bad etiquette. The art of communication is fast becoming lost on us.

The “e”-dynamic

I recently attended a presentation about communication and it placed great importance on the mindset of the “receiver”, in getting across the correct message. The technology today, although facilitates communication yet it has presented us with a complex challenge of “connecting” with the audience.

Consider this: You write an email/text message, Come out! Now you were excited about something and wanted the receiver to come out right away to share the excitement. The receiver on the other hand, had a stressful day at work and reads this and thinks,  Oh great! Now she is mad too! She hastily types back “what’s your problem?” You can pretty much guess how this goes.

Texting has “text” and punctuation only helps so much however the sender should be careful to communicate their emotions clearly – if the text is emotional. If however, its a business email/text, then it should as void of emotion as McDonalds is of nutrition (ouch!). WARNING: Void of emotion does not mean void of akhlaq (etiquette).  The Quran teaches us the art of letter-writing for when Moosa AS wrote to the queen of Saba, he started his letter with “Bismillah” so right away we remind ourselves and the receiver of the watchful eye of our Lord; and right away we hold Him witness to what we write.

When you write a text/ email, make sure you read it from all angles possible. Avoid using ambiguous statements which may make perfect sense in person but remember the receiver cannot see the “eye-roll” in the email. Avoid emailing when emotionally charged. If you feel the urge to write someone when you are too emotional; type out the text and save it in drafts. Review when you are calmer.  And lastly, try your best to not email or text important/emotional convos, or atleast follow it up with a phone call or visit to clarify any misunderstanding.

In brief, care about the message, care about the receiver and handle accordingly. Our prophet SAWW, the ones who epitomised brilliance of character showed care in each of his interactions. His message was always relevant, clear and considerate and hence he “connected” with the audience whether it was a child, his wife or a congregation of non-believers.

Emoticons – the messiah of virtual communication

Apparently, you can ask someone for anything and end with a smiley and it makes it ok. It actually does! Many a times I end a difficult convo with a smiley (winky for the really tough ones) just to make it cordial. A meme i read recently, said Thank you LOL for being there when i had nothing else to say. How true is that?!  On a serious note though, emoticons are great and all but they donot replace emotions and context and tone are still very relevant.

Let me diverge a little here - What you see rampant on social media these days though is cross-gender convos having smileys, winkys and lol. Umm excuse me... did you get the memo about how cross-gender convos should go? What we aren’t allowed to do in person with each other, how are we allowed it on social media? Our texts to the other gender (non-mahram) should be relevant and to the point and we should consider exhausting other more halal options before approaching the non-mahram. Although this wouldn’t apply if you were referring to a scholar for advice/help – no smileys please.

Im sure we have all seen young men and women hitting it off, all under the guise of “dawah” work. Ofcourse it is inevitable to cross paths with the other gender, even in dawah work, but the interaction should be carefully guarded and definitely limited. Keep reminding yourself, when a man and woman are alone together – shaytan is the third among them. It applies to social media too – surprise! How a “relevant” text turns into an entire conversation and future conversations, is all shaytans work.

#WhoCares

Hashtags are the new thing, apparently you missed that memo too eh? The attitude of youth for the last decade, perhaps longer has been just that – who cares? People say it so much and so casually that it has actually become real. We don’t care. Except that being social animals that we are, we are inevitably in need of each other and must care. When we post photos/statuses on facebook in the spirit of “who cares”; as in we don’t care what anyone thinks, we are who we are, facebook is not my life, my status is not about you etc etc  - why exactly did we post it then. Its social media – you post something that you want to share, and others to see. If you didn’t care- why share! When we put ourselves out there, we are doing just that and we expose ourselves and our vulnerabilities to all sorts of people. Allah created each of us and bestowed us with izzah (honor), we must honor ourselves in order for others to do so. Let’s not reveal things about us that should only be privy to dear ones. Let’s care about ourselves enough to keep the social media platform a means to communicate and not show-off or advertise. Let’s care about each other to cover each others weaknesses as we would like Allah to cover ours in this dunya and the Hereafter.  #wecare

Beware the peaking!

We all have grand goals (or should!) and we are furiously working towards those. These goals may be short or long term. Most often, however its the short-term goal we work most feverishly toward. These goals are the reasons for our everything. It could be a course we are studying for, a masjid we are helping build, a local project we are pioneering or "hajj" we are saving up for. With all our hard work and lots of dua and above all the will of Allah SWT - our goal is achieved. Its a beautiful moment indeed! And then....

And then Shaytan, who is burning up inside for we have met our objective, is ever ready for revenge. He comes to us almost immediately to instill in us pride and arrogance over our achievement. Suddenly, everybody else seem "less of a muslim". If we beat shaytan from planting this arrogance in us by remembering Allah - he turns to the people around us to make them envious and resentful. Aoozobillah he is a tireless enemy. He is also very strategic. If he cannot overcome us right away - he plays it slow. He makes us think we deserve a "break" - afterall we have been working so hard. A momentary pause is our right!  Shaytan keeps us busy with little things, which make us believe we are still doing "our part" whereas he has taken us away from greater good and busied us in the smaller deeds. He makes us forget zikr of Allah, and we start slacking. Slowly and without us even realizing, we would have abandoned much of the voluntary acts and we are even being tardy of the compulsory! Next thing we know, we are in a rut - wondering how we fell so deep and how to get out.

How do we get out? Right away, start with the daily duas to protect yourself from shaytan and to plead for Allah's help. Keep yourself pure with wudhu and be mindful of timely salah. Fight against the desires of your nafs, even in the smallest things and Allah will help you overcome bigger desires. Do istighfaar, as it is seeking forgiveness that eases all matters bi'iznillah.

But more importantly, beware the peaking!

I have usually noticed brothers and sisters slipping after they have done something extraordinary. Almost as if they have reached the peak of all good deeds. Perhaps, shaytan whispers to them that their job is done. Perhaps, the praise they received has deluded them.

Whether we like it or not, when we achieve something big - peoples eye are on us. They are looking for guidance and inspiration and although we never took that responsibility - it squarely fall upon our shoulders simply because we were given the opportunity to do something and with Allah's help we did it. So when we slack, either people will think its ok for them to slack or they will form a bad opinion about the deen - which are you willing to take upon yourself?

Beat the peak! Do not limit yourselves to one goal - you were created in the best manner and are capable of so much more. Just as you are nearing the end of one project, start thinking what you will do next. Start planning. Make dua to Allah SWT to never let you stop and never let any good deed of yours go to waste due to our own mistakes.

May Allah protect you and me from "peaking" - may we never think its enough till our last breath. Ameen

Piece of peace please...

ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ‌ ٱللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ‌ ٱللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ ٱلْقُلُوبُ 

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah, hearts are assured (Surat Ar-Raad, v28)

The 2 qualities mentioned in this ayat are belief in Allah and His remembrance. These are actually the qualities of people who repent - turn to Him for forgiveness; come (back) to the straight path. We know this from the previous verse. Allah ends the ayat with a very strong statement. In a very affirmative tone, Allah tells us that only the remembrance of Allah will bring you true peace. Thats the beauty of the quran - the words define the tone. SubhanAllah!
Many a times people have told me how they were not at peace. They didnt use those exact words, but they would say "i'm depressed" or "i feel weird/restless" or similar phrases showing the unrest within themselves. Some even say, everything's fine but im still depressed. I, myself have felt that way at certain times. The problem is we dont know what we are lacking is... peace. Most of us have some or the other difficult circumstance.  For some, the challenges are more trying. Some seem to be stuck in a rut of challenges and arent able to get themselves out of one, when they are faced with yet another. SubhanAllah.

Recently this ayat came in front of me. Allahu Akbar I knew what was lacking from people's lives was the remembrance of Allah. When a person is somewhat attached to Allah, through salah or through good deeds - Allah wants that slave of His to completely enter subservience, to draw him nearer. This need to be nearer to Allah, causes unrest within a person. This is from the mercy of Allah. It is upto us however, to recognize this unrest and then channel it correctly. That slight attachment to Allah, is what causes us to seek for a way. The key is to know "what" you are seeking. 
We all feel this unrest sometime, and that should be our clue that we are missing something in our daily routine.
How do we remember Allah? Make istighfar, do tasbeeh, read your duas for entering/leaving the home, etc. This is one kind of remembrance. Another is to realise the wrongs in your life, and make the changes for the pleasure of Allah SWT. Give in charity, get involved in the work of Allah SWT. Make every limb of yours work for Allah SWT. Make dua to Allah, and rely solely upon Him.
Anything and everything you do for the sake of Allah, is His remembrance. Nothing else you do will get you peace - although on the surface you may have the best of everything. Above all know that true peace and happiness will only be attained in jannah. That, in itself, brings peace to a mo'min.