Happily ever after..

Marriage. It’s a topic close to my heart. I suppose because I’m married (!) and also because Ive always believed in the sanctity of this relationship. However, it was not until I understood it from the Quran that I realized its true purpose and sanctity. 

The idea of marriage that I grew up with was largely a fairy tale – more like an exaggerated wedding. Ofcourse, that fantasy can be found in the relics of my memory files titled “Every lie about adulthood”. I rolled with the punches and finally settled with the ‘actual’ idea, but then I was struck with some more blows. These were more along the lines of ‘what my life was… ‘, ‘ how my life could have been different…’ and some serious ones like ‘wasn’t I better off…’, ‘why do I need this…’ Each time, I pulled myself back from these to remind myself of the good things and sometimes I was snapped out from these reveries by the cries of hungry kids (mine!). Some more years went by. I started to question whether my approach to my rebel thoughts was the right one, mostly because it gave me only temporary relief and was making me discontented. Now I am one not used to being discontented – I need to find peace. So, I turned to the source of all peace – Allah, As Salam. Its not like I hadn’t been praying all along, I just started doing so more intently and being more specific about my issues. That’s when the penny dropped.

Just like my adolescent idea of marriage was unreal, so was my idea of its purpose. Generally in the South Asian culture (and I will go as far as saying the Arab... correct me if I’m wrong), girls are reared to think marriage is the culmination of life! It is with a man that a girl will have security – both financial and societal and all good girls get married, all fun and independence is to be had post-marriage. Let’s assess those, especially in today’s day and age. South Asian girls are more educated than ever before and having worked through or right after uni, they are financially independent; social circles are larger than ever not leaving much room for feeling lonely (quite the contrary I believe!), singlehood is not as big a taboo and having intimate friendships with the opposite sex is a norm. Good girl definitions (domesticated/polite/obedient/cooks like a pro) are outdated. Given even half that, the entire premise for getting married is blown out the water! Ok, so the girl cant have kids without getting married first, but really would she be willing to give all this up to fulfill her maternal instinct. So its no surprise that more and more girls are discontent with their marriages because they feel they have quite literally signed their life off. So exactly why should I get married?!

Marriage is an act highly recommended by Allah SWT and a Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, so there has to be a deeper meaning than what we’ve imagined of it.  I have discovered the purpose of marriage is quite closely linked to the purpose of life itself – it is an act of worship; a continuous worship that holds a great reward at every step. It’s a means to enjoying offspring and the companionship of the spouse. It is also a means to protect us from zina and whether we like to admit it or not, it also is protective of our honour. It is a means to please Allah SWT from the moment you wake and it is a means for you to send forth good deeds for the akhirah via pious children. 

Anyone who is married can attest to how much they need to call upon Him for strength and sabr. How many times they have been thankful for the blessings they enjoy, how many times they have cried and made istighfar for their shortcomings in the relationship. I have realized through these trials how being married has made me constant in my dhikr of Allah. Alhamdulillah! So marriage is much bigger than financial dependency and all that – it is a means to get closer to Allah SWT. 

This is what I would like to tell my younger self: being married is hard work and having children is tough, and loving your partner is a constant struggle but Allah is watching and He does not miss anything. He has placed a reward for you in your smile for your husband, and your dressing up for him; your cooking and cleaning; your rearing children and everything that you do to keep the relationship afloat – just keep the focus on pleasing Allah SWT through this relationship.

Being married is not the end all be all of life, however. If Allah has chosen for someone to remain single – then that will become the person’s means to His closeness because for sure He would not place us in a position where we cannot attain salvation. But for those who are married, this bond is greater than the  two of you – it is quite literally the building blocks to your Jannah – so build it eagerly and protect is ferociously.

May Allah put barakah in our unions and make it a source of His pleasure. Ameen.

وَمِنْ ءَايَـتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَ‌حْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَلِكَ لَءَايَـتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُ‌ونَ  

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. [30:21]

Oh Sorrow.. you will never be the same

Humanity has bourne no greater loss than the loss of Prophet Muhammad SAW. No Muslim will
ever lose anything more than what he has with the passing of our Prophet. Why am i saying this, you ask... almost 1400 years have gone by afterall.I remember while reading the seerah, i started feeling so close to the Prophet SAW - his physical attributes and his personality both became so vivid to me. So strong was this feeling, that i could not bring myself to read chapters about his passing. I felt i was loosing him and i know his seerah and sunnah live on; so i forced myself to go through the final part.
And it was painful, just as it is painful for me to write about it even now. And one can only feel this loss, if they have felt the connection.. else its just a superfacial emotion. If one wants to feel that connection, the ideal way is to follow the Sunnah and read the seerah. I have mentioned about loving the prophet in one of my earlier posts (For the Love of Prophet SAW). I wish we could all embody the Sunnah, and feel this connection even better than we already do - for our Iman is incomplete
without this love.
When you will love him, you will feel his loss truly. When you feel his loss, no other loss will ever compare .. SubhanAllah!

Hadith 101

We all read and forward hadith all the time, so here is some basic information on what is a hadith. A great deal of work went into reporting and classifying a hadith; which cannot and must not be discounted at any cost! There is actually a science to the study of hadith, this alone should convince one its intricacies and validity.
I am attending a course on the subject and there will Inshallah be a part 2 to this entry. May Allah forgive me if i make any mistakes in typing this information; not because my source is not credible but because i am human and prone to error.
Hadith comes from the root Ha Da Tha; which means coming into a new situation, or something new which has occurred. Hence, it is used for the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad SAW which were something new for the people of the time (changing their current situation). The word muhdith (from the same root)  is used to define Bid'aa for the same reason; as its an innovation which didnt exist.

A hadith can refer to any:
1) saying of the prophet saw (qawl)
2) action of the prophet saw (F'ayl)
3) His agreement in a matter i.e. he didnt do a particular act/ or say a particular thing himself but agreed with it when someone else performed it (taqreer)

What can entail a hadith:
1) Sunnah - the root of which means creating a way so as to make it easy for the followers. According to the fuqaha (scholars of jurisprudence), sunnah is an act that is highly ranked/rated and preferred but not performing the act, is not a sin. On the other hand, a sunnah which becomes a symbol of Islam has a greater weightage and highly recommended for Muslims to adhere to it. For eg, the minarets on a mosque are not an obligatory part of building a mosque but have increasingly become a sign of a Muslim prayer house; hence its a recommended sunnah. Since we believe the Sahaba were the closest people to the prophet also in practice, their acts too are part of Sunnah. eg: 20 rakahs of tarawih prayer initiated by Hazrat Umar RA.

2) Khabr - any narrative of which news is received to be associated with the Prophet SAW. A more general term than hadith.

3) As (th) ar - of which evidence is found to be associated with the Prophet SAW

4) Wahi - that which was revealed to the Prophet through divine intervention. Wahi is further divided into 2: Jalli  and Khafi

Sciences:
There are 2 types of hadith study/sciences. Please dont take these as official terms, rather as english terms.

1) Rivayah - Hadith which is memorised by muhadditheen and related to us
2) Dirayat - Scholarly  deductions of ahkam (commandments)  or lessons from the hadith.

A hadith has 2 parts:
1) Sanad - the chain of revelation. i.e. who heard it from whom all the way to the Prophet SAW
2) Matan - the actual words of the Prophet SAW

Some Extra Info:
1) one who has memorized over 300,000 hadith - Muhaafizh
2) one who knows more than Muhaafiz - Imam al hujjat (h)
3) one who knows even more than that (close to 600,000) - Ameer ul mo'mineen fil hadith

This post is open to your comments. Please feel free to correct me. May Allah guide me and you.

...but is it in the Qur'an?

Has anyone ever asked you "...but is this in the Qur'an?". It is one of the most annoying questions to be asked. I pity those people who ask them, because they don't even know that they are putting their Iman at risk by uttering such words. I'm currently working on a detailed document about hadith and sunnah, so i wont delve in those details right now. I will however Inshallah, prove why the belief in and practice of Hadith and Sunnah is just as important for our iman as is belief in Tawheed (oneness of Allah).... and yes! thats in the Qur'an.

Surah Al-Juma'h, Verse 2
He it is Who sent among the unlettered ones a Messenger (Muhammad SAW) from among themselves, reciting to them His Verses, purifying them (from the filth of disbelief and polytheism), and teaching them the Book (this Qur'an, Islamic laws and Islamic jurisprudence) and Al-Hikmah (As-Sunnah: legal ways, orders, acts of worship, etc. of Prophet Muhammad  SAW). And verily, they had been before in mainfest error 

All major scholars of Quran agree Al-Hikmah, refers to the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW.

Surah An-Nissa, Verse 59
O you who believe! Obey Allâh and obey the Messenger (Muhammad PBUH)

Surah An-Nissa, Verse 80
He who obeys the Messenger, has indeed obeyed Allah

Surah Aal Imran, Verse 31
Say (O Muhammad SAW to mankind): "If you (really) love Allah then follow me (i.e. accept Islamic Monotheism, follow the Qur'an and the Sunnah), Allah will love you and forgive you of your sins. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

These are but a few of the commandments from the Quran, which order the ummah to obey the Prophet and in his love and obedience is the love and obedience of Allah.

The purpose of any messenger has been to explain to the people how to obey Allah, that was the whole point of sending a human being to preach rather than an angel or jinn. Prophet Muhammed SAW was a shy man, full of haya (modesty) and yet he laid bare his entire life for the ummah; just so they would learn from it. This was one of his many great sacrifices. Imagine, having a video camera following you for just one entire day. Imagine having no privacy. He did all this so we would learn the deen properly and for us to disregard his great sacrifice; is blasphemous. 

Even if you are unsure of a certain hadith that someone has related, the proper etiquette is to silence yourself. Go back and check the reference to ensure its authenticity - but as a Muslim, you do not have permission to argue over the word of the Prophet SAW. 

Surah Al Hujurat, Verse 2
O you who have believed, do not raise your voices above the voice of the Prophet or be loud to him in speech like the loudness of some of you to others, lest your deeds become worthless while you perceive not.

The scholars agree that today, when the Prophet SAW is not among us, but his Sunnah is (and will be till the end of time bi'iznillah), this applies to disagreeing with his sunnah. Allah clearly warns the believers, that if they speak over the prophet SAW, their good deeds will be in vain and they will not have realized it. Dear brothers and sisters, the consequences are grave and questioning the prophet's word is equal to disbelieving in him. Follow the above ruling. Inshallah, Allah will guide you because your intention was pure.Ya Allah, keep us on hidayah. Ameen ya rabbil Aalimeen.

I will leave you with another verse from the Qur'an. 


Surah An-Nissa, Verse 65
But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you judge in all disputes
between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them)with full submission.

Post Ramadan Planning

Ah! another month of mercy just passed and i am left wondering, did i work hard enough? May Allah accept from us our ibadah and istighfar! How can i ensure my next Ramadan will be better or if i actually did reap something from this one? That's where post-ramadan plan comes into play. If you had set some goals for yourself during ramadan, are you following through with them? If you hadnt set goals, get setting now. Think of one good habit you want to adopt (from the sunnah is a good point to start) and one bad habit you want to drop. Mind you, these need not be ambitions of mammoth proportions. It could be something as easy as ensuring you always read the dua for entering and exiting the washroom and using the correct foot for the same. Imagine, thats ibadah!! As for dropping a habit, you could think of something similar. We dont place value in these things but not only are they super-important, Allah rewards us for it AND they improve our quality of life without us even knowing it. Here are a few examples of goals you could set for the rest of the year:
Good Habits:
1) Ensuring you begin everything by Bismillah. i mean EVERYTHING
2) Saying salams everytime you enter the house or meet other muslims. Make sure you say it properly and not let your cultural twang distort the diction. Its suppose to be Assalam 'alaikum (wa rahmat ullahi wa barakatuhu)
3) Fasting 6 days in Shawwal
4) Fasting Mondays and/or Thursdays
5) Taking up using the miswak
6) Elongate your sujood and ruku' in Salah
7) Make niyyah for Hajj/Umrah

Bad Habits
1) Stop backbiting
2) Stop lying - all types even those we tell little kids!
3) Stop sleeping face down, on our bellies
4) Stop talking in the washroom
5) Stop judging people
6) Stop being disobedient to your parents/ disrespectful to your spouse
7) Stop all means of haraam income or consuming haraam food.

Some of these may seem menial but every little step counts and it helps you become a better mo'min Inshallah. In a summary of the Surat Taaha, verses about prophet Musa AS, i learned Allah expects Obedience, Courage and Tawakkul (faith) from His servant. I believe, each of these are inter-connected as in when we are obedient to Allah, He blesses us with courage and tawakkul; when we have tawakkul, we are definitely going to be obedient and courageous... you get the idea.
So, what are you taking up and what are you giving up?